


Downtime, Surround Sound

by CoySpice



Series: time traveling blues [2]
Category: Another Eden (Video Game)
Genre: Cat Lovers Anonymous..., shion/shigure but in the past and dreadful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29896137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoySpice/pseuds/CoySpice
Summary: what remains, who's left behind when we move forwardSame continuity as "Serving Through Obliviousness". You DON'T need to read that one!
Relationships: Aldo/Shigure (Another Eden), Shion/Shigure (Another Eden)
Series: time traveling blues [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2201421
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. youth

**Author's Note:**

> I stand before you, grimacing in my discount necromancer outfit that I got from party city. You watch me, intrigued but exhausted. I smile as I utter, "Do you remember my last fic? Um...."
> 
> anyway, hello. I know i said I would leave them behind and make something else. But I just played through like 2 main story updates and 5 episodes after not playing for ages and...i have much to say. I was sitting on this for a while and wanted to write much more before I posted, but i'm finally caught up. please enjoy the very left field version of AE that i'm cursed with. Editing to come very shortly!
> 
> also yes i saw shigure get his AS. I cannot say anything about him as one of his 3.5 fans without getting this fic reported. * ***** ** ** * ******* ***** *******!!!!

Shigure has never been a committed person. Shion knows this as well as if not better than everyone in Izana. The townspeople are only aware of the outer layer. It’s easy, instinct even, to avoid spikes and thorns pointed your way, no matter how appealing they may be on the eyes. Shigure is an overfamiliar horndog, an idiot badmouthing Genshin. Most wouldn’t describe Shigure as prickly, but Shion would.  
  
Shion knows Shigure is noncommittal because Shigure couldn’t commit to him, the person he promised his life. Shigure left Shion with scattered gestures and receding touches, with wandering eyes and retreating smiles. Without a word. A noncommittal, furtively present split. The tangibility of the split was in the pulled away hands and the deflected connections. It was as if Shigure would be burned if he came into contact with Shion. So, Shion burned. In that time, Shigure grew louder, and Shion grew quiet.

He burned silently until his affection for Shigure became a simmer, into embers, into ashes. Shion is not one for anger, nor grudges, yet looking at Shigure still fuels feelings he wants to leave behind, anger and otherwise. All that occurred must be left behind or explained away as a folly of youth. Shion adopts this phrase when he deals with these feelings.  
  
Shion wonders if his pain is thusly a byproduct of Shigure’s folly. An afterthought, or something similarly trite and forgettable. But Shion knows that would be a disservice to his own experience, as all actions have permanence, even during youth. 

He had to take care of Akane, after all. 

There are realities that can't be left behind, nor explained away as mistakes of youth. Things that have too much permanence. Things that Shion doesn't fully grasp how to process, even as the years continue to pass. Detrimentally, he repeats his mantra. All that occurred must be left behind or explained away as a folly of youth. Still, he asks

Why did Shigure leave?  
  
Why did his parents get killed?  
  
What use are these feelings?  
  
The Itto-ryu swordsman exhales. Not one for anger, nor grudges. But prone to bitterness, quieter than rage and anger. Resentment is not always hatred. Bitterness doesn’t entail anger. Shion knows this very well. His bitterness is characterized by inconvenience, annoyance. Intrinsic feelings he would like to live without. He's tired of feeling like this, so he tries to leave his resentment behind.  
  
He tries to leave it behind by considering that sometimes, love and longevity in the face of wrongdoings lead to forgiveness. In this particular case, he manages tolerance. Shion still loves Shigure, though not romantically anymore. The taciturn young man carefully reconsiders Shigure's disappearance act and painfully accepts that it happened. Shion tolerates it, doesn't try to have another conversation about it with Shigure. He does not forgive and he acknowledges that Shigure is no longer the lifeline he was to Shion when they were younger, but to say Shigure isn’t an aspect of his life like breathing or eating would be incorrect. For more than half of his life, Shigure had been there.

Time proved what resentment and guilt couldn’t, which is that Shigure promised Shion his life because he loves him and always will, as he says. Shion feels the same, though he will never give Shigure the salvation of hearing those words, not because he holds a grudge, but because forgiveness is not deserved in this situation. Because actions have consequences. With those consequences in mind and in effect, Shigure risked his life trying to assassinate Genshin. It’s a conundrum and an annoyance to Shion. He believes it would be easier, sensible if Shigure hated him. If not that, it would be easier if he hated Shigure. Thinking about it makes the purple haired samurai grimace, an expression reserved for Shigure and Akane.

Everyone knows Shigure is noncommittal, but it runs deeper than that. Shigure is prone to bouts of fear, not necessarily relating to commitment. Fear of loss. Fear of being a burden, scared of causing too much harm. But, he hurt Shion. And all this considered, Shion loves Shigure and always will.  
  
Or so he thinks until Shigure tells him that Aldo, sweetest person alive, ray of sunshine and radiance, is his current object of affection.  
  
"UGH!" The samurai groans.

Shigure’s changed. He changes everyday for the better. So does Shion. Or he hoped to. He’s hoping to. He hopes, actively. And that day, Shion was filled with turmoil instead of hope. Bitterness swirled into a sphere of anger, and that anger was dismantled by love and its lingering presence. He loves Shigure and Aldo. He wants them to be happy. A droplet of water falls upon the surface of the water, sending ripples throughout the pond. The sound disturbs Shion the instant he hears it and he slices at the surface, raging fire forming steam. It obscures his face, though not the twitch of his bicep, tense as he holds his katana. His routine unravels. There is too much permanence overlaying itself on what he knows and where he is. Shigure reminds him of his own burial every time the boisterous lecher appears from thin air to annoy him.  
  
Still fresh in his mind, he sees and hears Shigure shout, "I get to pursue what my heart _truly_ wants." He corrected himself immediately, but a slip of a tongue is often dangerous, venomous regardless of correction. Truly. What was Shion, then? Nothing, compared to Aldo. A mistake. He assumed Shigure thought so, but hearing it was different. Aldo is a hero, happiness incarnate and I am...he doesn't finish that train of thought, though he knows the ending regardless. It is something he repeats daily since meeting the time traveller. He doesn't want to invite any feelings of that sort towards Aldo, at least not in relation to Shigure. He hardly wants to feel like this towards Shigure, but Shigure is constantly around now, always trying to be closer. He has no distance to repress his negative feelings.  
  
Under the clouds, he goes over the situation again. Shigure apologized, or tried to. Shion didn’t accept, but all seemed fine. And it was. It is! Shion remains ecstatic to hear he was never the problem. However, "You were never weighing me down," and "I get to pursue what my heart _truly_ wants," lie at two opposing sides of the gallows that Shion finds himself restrained to. Days have passed since then with no word from them. Which is fine. It’s alright. It’s okay.  
  
Shion feels stagnant now. As if he was pretending to move forward and his reality has finally snared him, hurling him back to square one. Another droplet water hits the pond and Shion sheathes his blade, relaxing his muscles. Another, to signify the coming rain. Another, and another, and another. Before decay, comes the rain. Before rust, comes abandonment. Weariness. He sheathes his sword, though he makes no move to shield himself from the downpour. Perhaps he must be left behind.  
  
He doesn’t want Aldo to get hurt because Shigure’s fallen into old habits, not when the time traveller has the universe’s weight to carry. But Shigure confiding in him was in itself a break in habit. His intentions are known to Shion, which is the first time he can say so. Change was here for Shigure, and that was…

It doesn’t seem fair and as usual, he doesn’t understand Shigure. Why come to him? Hypothetically, he can, but why after their past? Shion continues to fees like a weapon left in the rain. Dangerous, old, and useless. But he is glad. The kind of furious and stinging joy one feels, as if being dropped or tossed into a celebration with fresh bandages and recently sedated. But it’s joy nonetheless. Shion wonders, briefly, if joy is often accompanied by the hope that Shigure is just as conflicted as he is.  
  
 _A bubble forms around him, shielding him from the downpour. Slow footsteps contrast the sound of the storm raging, the sound of someone intaking this storm as a soft shower._  
  
Sn: Mighty.  
  
Mi: heyyyy shion. sorry if this was uh, training? you looked a little…like shit.  
  
Sn: …  
  
Mi: Oooor a cat! like a wet cat. which isn’t any better—  
  
Sn: I’m needed for a mission.  
  
Mi: yep. i’ll be around ‘cuz Aldo’s kinda...well, he’s not bringing his A for Aldo game. i’m just around for moral support. M for mighty moral support.

  
 _Shion makes no motion to move, so mighty joins him under the makeshift shelter._  
  
Mi: what’s up, shion?  
  
Sn: …?

Mi: look, i know you’re a bit left field sometimes but sitting out in the rain clutching your katana is kind of a sign. and NOT a good one.  
  
Sn: Thank you for your concern, Mighty. But I’m just meditating.  
  
Mi: hmmmmm. if ya say so.  
  
 _Mighty stares at Shion, trying to illicit a reaction. Shion closes his eyes. This is a battle of concentration. Mighty pops a bubble in front of Shion’s face. Shion frowns._  
  
Mi: WELL, i guess nothing’s up. Aldo and SHIGURE’LL—  
  
 _Shion exhales. His grimace is reserved for Shigure, Akane, and Mighty._  
  
Mi: Aha. something is up.  
  
Sn: I underestimated you, Mighty. It won’t happen again.  
  
Mi: game, set, mighty. so, what’s bugging’ ya man? What’d Shigure do? seemed like you two had a chat. shigure seemed all better ‘cuz of it though. but you are here in the rain... shivering...?

 _The temperature within the bubble increases, warming Shion. He hadn’t realized he was shivering._  
  
Sn: Did he?  
  
Mi: after talking to me and mariel, sure.  
  
Sn: Then it’s nothing imperative, Mighty.

 _Thunder strikes, and Mighty continues to stare at Shion. Shigure feels better. He knew that would be the case. He wanted that at the time...but he's not sure he can tolerate it right now. Mighty stares at him as he processes this. He’s lost this battle of concentration._  
  
Sn: It…I don’t know what’s wrong. But Shigure and Aldo, it—they worry me. _Shigure_ worries me, and while I am glad Shigure’s going to tell Aldo how—  
  
Mi: Told. uh. news for you, i guess.

Sn: It makes me angry, if only a little. I am not used to harboring anger towards Shigure. Just annoyance. But this…

_Shion pauses, recomposing himself. Mighty will not get the truth out of him today nor ever, if he has anything to say about it._

Sn: that’s enough. I don’t mean to wish ill on either of them—  
  
Mi: and Guildna—  
  
Sn: Mighty.  
  
Mi: bad time.  
  
Sn: I’m just… _uncertain_ , Mighty. It will pass, as all things do.

 _Mighty is an emotionally intelligent young man, at least when it comes to identifying a problem. Solving, helping, dispensing advice are more hit and miss._  
  
Mi: they don’t always. not that i know exactly why you’re uncertain, but i dunno…

 _Mighty searches for the right word, phrase, joke to administer but the dreamer is no healer by trade. He can fend off a nightmare, mend a bad dream, but this is more attached to reality. And he can’t help, and it frustrates him, and he’d rather take a nap._  
  
Mi: huh, i really dunno what to say. but i make a pretty good umbrella, y’know?  
  
 _Shion looks at the smiling Mighty, and he wonders if the fact that he hasn’t left Mighty by now is a sign of a forward motion, or if it is indicative of his surrender to stagnation. Then Mighty starts to doze off, and in spite of himself, he carries Mighty on his back as he returns to the Riftbreaker._  
  
Mi: thanks.  
  
Sn: Don’t thank me.

Mi: mmm i think i will anyway. do ya wanna hear what ya missed? Mariel says hi by the way  
  
Sn: Right…I missed cat lovers club. The next meeting is soon. I’ll apologize to her in person. How is the situation?  
  
Mi: okay…WELL….  
  
 _Mighty regales the tale, and it certainly is a tale, only to be met with Shion’s sighs. Shion is a person with a very kind heart, who is endeared to annoyance, general inconvenience, and his lingering sense of honor. He’d rather not be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Okay, before ANYTHING, I reviewed some of the story to make sure i wasn't creating more gibberish than necessary! shigure verbatim calls Aldo a "limp-wristed farm boy" in the translation a la the Shion AS quest. that makes me nucking futs!! shigure playing with shion's heart entirely jealous Sprinting across the sea to be like "HAHAHA! you're hanging out with this ***?! Is this what you like now, Shion!?" and then he confesses to Aldo, gets a new fit his cut out gloves fan hoop earrings flower in his hair...sick. you're thriving. shion's sitting in the rain hasn't unclenched his jaw in 72 hours 27 minutes to the dot and you're thriving?
> 
> 2\. Anyway, shion is a complex young man. Or should I say he's a young man in the middle of too many complications? Do our complicated situations complicate us or do they grate away at us and chip at our desires and feelings? depends. Either way, root for him! he wants to figure out what it means to be in contact with Shigure again. he chides shigure for being noncommital but...well
> 
> 3\. "Why is that little rat mighty around all the time" writing for games is based on characters you have or characters you want. listen to my lesson plan: my mighty has 80 something light. I only have his another style, not his base 5*. i only have two gacha AS in total. I have rolled his AS....more than twice. You do the math, hm?
> 
> 4\. Modern AU ...x. Shion and mighty met when shion was on the way home from work and saw mighty completely sprawled across the bus seats unconscious. Shion misses his stop frantically trying to wake mighty up, and when he does mighty's like oh. i missed my stop. well i'll sleep till it goes back around. shion then drags him off the bus and walks him to the address he specifies, which is aldo's apartment. Aldo simply says, "Thanks for bringing him, Shion! You're so sweet!" and shion makes this ugly >:3 face because Aldo complimented him until he gets home and realizes how weird that all was. he begins running into mighty all the time and shigure has erected a spot for mighty in their apartment and he hates it.
> 
> 4.5 TWEET from Disciple of ITTO RYU FUGEN @Shion: Like a Hamster On A Wheel , In A Cage, I Be Running Through These Thoughts. Getting No Where. 5:03 PM
> 
> 4.75 Reply from SleebyBoy420 @mitymity : @healerfortwoandyou something wrong w him lol. ? 2:31 AM


	2. Kitty Kat by B

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Infamous Cat Lovers Club meets after Shion's absence last month. Rosetta and her seating chart work against Shion's favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! This chapter is  
> 1: Nuts. But I firmly believe it is not any crazier than the actual canon of Another Eden. (Especially the entire last chapter of goddess of time pt 3. what the hell was that all about. I can write whatever and it could fit after that. and the twist wasn't really a twist...) Anyway, I worked really hard on the names you're about to be bludgeoned with (Ao3 user Coyspice is lying.)
> 
> 2: not what I expected to write. I didn't know Shigure had the cat lovers personality so it was going to go very differently before I learned that. sorry shion!
> 
> 3: evil and going to make your head hurt if you've ever had to share one positive and one negative of your week in a sort of group bonding activity. Especially with someone you resented!
> 
> Enjoy, and thank you for reading. the last few end notes will be even more niche than normal. i'm sorry. i'll provide a masked key if necessary, but if you play it should be clear

A: Huh. You know, I always wonder where Mariel and Shion go around this time of the month.  
  
G; I’ve not noticed that, actually. I wouldn’t pin those two as the most compatible pair.  
  
A: Heh, they probably have a “Let’s go out to eat and feed cats!” day.  
  
G: I suppose so. Shion does seem receptive to Mariel’s particular genre of rambling. Even when she’s speaking on religion…  
  
A: More so than you?  
  
G: By leaps and bounds, Aldo.

A: Hah. You should still be nicer to her about it anyway, you know?  
  
G: I appreciate Mariel and her efforts which is why I entertain “Mariel’s Sweets Corner”, but at what point does one draw the line?  
  
A: Oh come on, Guildna. You’ve got a hidden sweet tooth. We all know!  
  
G: Whatever. The point is I draw the line at sweets and that doesn’t include the holy human Word. Mighty, awaken. The children of Konium wanted to play with us.  
  
Mi: mmmmmm….  
  
G: And I’ll carry you for the next few missions. You worthless wretch.  
  
 _Mighty springs up._  
  
Mi: up and at em i always say. i love helping my lovely blue friend out with his kingly duty of playing jump rope with his subjects.  
  
G: Do not push your luck you little—  
  
 _Aldo nudges Guildna’s side in what he’s found to be his sweet spot, and Guildna’s threat quickly devolves into a purr_

  
A: Hey, hey! Save that energy for the kids, alright? Don’t keep them waiting!  
  
G: Then reprimand Mighty!  
  
 _Aldo pinches Mighty’s cheek, though that only makes the usually comatose magician hug Aldo._  
  
Mi: don’t be so mean to me, Aldo…  
  
A: Was that too mean?  
  
G: No! You’re unbelievable, Aldo!  
 _  
Guildna grumbles, walking off to inform the Riftbreaker of their plans. Aldo hobbles after him with Mighty in tow.  
_  
  


* * *

  
 _  
A crimson book floats above a round table. It returns to the hand of its owner, clad in an inquisitors outfit. Obscuring the majority of their face is a black cat mask, leaving only their red lipped smirk visible._  
  
?: Are all members accounted for? I don’t want to interrogate any tardiness, but if you force my hand … <3!  
  
 _The Black Cat Masquerader scans the round table after she speaks, noticing two empty seats.  
_  
BCM: Oh now _this_ just won’t do! How unfortunate♪…but I did bring my special cat themed instruments and implements just in case—   
  
??: Nooooo need for that! We’re here!  
  
?: We apologize for our disruptive arrival.  
  
??: Eek! I mean, ahem. Our bad. Have we already started?  
  
BCM: You hardly missed anything! But is that because we were waiting for you two, or because we simply haven’t started?  
  
 _The crimson book looms over both of their heads._  
  
BCM: That wasn’t rhetorical♪

??: Uhhhhhhm!!!??  
  
 _On one side of the Black Cat Masquerader sits a Snow Leopard Masquerader, though it is solely based around their ruby eyes, not even covering their nose. Their nose is painted with a matte black, with little whiskers to match the theme, which all acts as a contrast to the flowing pink hair behind them.  
  
On the other side sits a Dogu Cat Masquerader whose mask covers their entire face, white cape accenting their blue haori. Sword at their side, they would register as more unreadable than the other two if not for their boisterous voice and exaggerated motions.  
  
They both put up two fingers to signal the second option of “We simply hadn’t started”._  
  
??: You…haven’t started yet! Right, Meowstress!?  
  
?: Mari— Purriestess. There’s no need to panic.  
  
 _The crimson book returns to the Meowstress. The Snow Leopard Masquerader gives a sly thumbs up and the Dogu Cat Masquerader claps._  
  
Ms: No need to panic indeed, Infurrno! As long as you’re telling the truth♪  
  
 _A collective shiver is felt around the table. The other members include the silver haired Varuo Masquerader, the robotic and hardly disguised Riicat Masquerader, and the Grey Tabby Masquerade whose futuristic wide-neck leather jacket shimmers under the lighting. Their high pony tail bounces as they look at the two late arrivals with what appears to be pity.  
  
The Purriestess, donning a white cat mask, begins the walk of shame to her seat. She’s interrupted by Infurrno, whose red-eyed cat mask accentuates the urgency he currently feels. He whispers to her._  
  
In: Purriestess. I am sorry for holding you up further. But I beg of you, please switch seats with me.  
  
Ps: Huh? Infurrno, you know we can’t do that…  
  
In: Please.  
  
 _Not used to hearing such desperation from Infurrno, the Purriestess yields. Or she attempts to._  
  
Ps: …Alright. But you have to tell me why later—

Ms: Do I hear _heretical_ trepidation about my lovingly plucked seating chart for this month, Infurrno? Were you going to entertain him, Purriestess?  
  
 ** _The red spotlight_** _shines on Shion. Normally, he can withstand scrutiny. Not from the Meowstress_.  
  
Ps: Of course not!  
  
In: …No, Meowtress, there is no heresy to be found. I’ll take my seat.  
  
Ms: Thank you♪ I’m glad you remembered your impeccable manners.  
  
 _Privy to their conversation due to her hearing, the Meowstress will do her best to cause as much trouble as possible. Everyone in the meeting knows this, and it is clear as day at this exact moment._ _Infurrno takes his seat next to the Dogu Cat Masquerader, who puts their hand on his shoulder. He swiftly removes it, but the cycle continues several times._

 _With malice visible on her lips and in her heart, Meowstress begins the inquisition._  
  
Ms: Well everyone, let’s…Oh I know the perfect opening exercise♪ How about we all share one rose, and then one thorn of the last month? And remember…  
  
 _A flame flickers in the middle of the table._  
  
Ms: Let’s tell the truth! Share within your comfort zone of course <3

 _Riicat raises her hand, light flickering off its metal plating._  
  
Ri: The prompt does not compute. Were members expected to bring roses this month? I was not alerted to this development.  
  
Ms: Good question, Riicat! We’ll share metaphorical roses and thorns. The rose representing one positive thing we’ve experienced, and the thorn representing…one less fortunate _encounter.  
  
_ Ri: I see. Thank you for your explanation, Alias: Meowstress. It is very much appreciated!  
  
Ms: Now beginning this month’s meeting of Cat Lovers Anonymous. Would anyone like to volunteer? Don’t be shy♪  
  
 _Varuo Masquerader raises their hand, and everyone’s shoulders slump in relief of not being the first to go.  
_  
Vm: Hi everyone! It’s been a pretty nice month. My rose is…that I’ve learned a few new recipes! And I have a bit of time to actually cook them, so that’s always nice. My thorn would be that…Ald—  
  
 ** _The red spotlight_** _shines on Varuo. They throw their hands out as if they could possibly catch the words they almost said._  
  
VM: **_MY BROTHER_** ** _!_** I meant to say! My completely anonymous brother! He’s been eating less and he looks so tired these days. Worse is that he won’t tell me why! He’s such a dummy sometimes and I just don’t know what to do about it.  
  
 _Varuo’s turn ends with a huff._  
  
Ms: Thank you, Varuo. That certainly is cause for concern…maybe I should bring him into the interrogation room—  
  
All: **NO!!!  
**  
Ms: Oh relax, that was in jest! Who would like to go next? Purretty Kitty?  
  
 _Purretty Kitty’s hands rest in perfect folded position, pink nails sparkling. Her gaze is pristine under her snow leopard mask. She’s done this before and no doubt she’ll do this again._  
  
Pk: Of course, Meowstress! One rose…besides me, hehe! The new advertisement campaign we launched went off without a hitch. I’m even being given another employee of the year award!  
  
GTM: Your ads are flawless, Purretty Kitty. It’s always a joy to see them.  
  
 _The C.L.A members clap their congratulations._  
  
PK: You’re all so sweet, thank you so much! And thank you especially, Cheetah! I know you probably see them the most. Now, one thorn…? It’s been a good month for me. Sorry to disappoint, Meowstress— Oh!  
  
Ms: Oh?  
  
Pk: Going to borrow from Varuo’s thorn and talk about my own brother. I got him the cutest dress and he doesn’t even like it. It was exactly his style too, but he says it’s too gaudy!  
  
V: Oh no! I’m sure it was a perfect dress.

Pk: It absolutely was! He broke my little heart. But besides that betrayal, a relaxing month. We surely don’t get enough of those right now.  
  
 _The Dogu Cat Masquerader continues to harass Infurrno as he replies._  
  
Dg: Hahaha! The worst kind of heart to have truly is a broken one—OW!  
  
 _Infurrno jabs the blunt end of his sword into Dogu Cat's foot, his glare penetrates his mask. This doesn’t escape the Meowstress_.  
  
Ms: …Nyango. Would you like to go next?  
  
 _Nyango, whose expression remains hidden by his dogu cat mask, holds his foot in order to alleviate the pain._  
  
N: Hahaha, my pleasure! I don’t know how much choice I have…but! I have had a wonderful month! It’s hard to limit to one thing, but if necessary, I will!  
  
Ms: It’s necessary.  
  
Ri: Affirmative. If allowed to speak, then Alias: Nyango would keep us here for days.  
  
N: Perhaps so, but good news is a blessing that must be shared! One rose…would be that I have fallen in love!  
  
 _Purriestess detects the way Infurrno— Shion tenses up at the declaration. She can’t divine why, but there’s only so many guesses she can take given the knowledge she has. None of them are particularly good scenarios, especially under the scrutiny of Meowstress._

 _Meowstress has her own plan of action, and Mariel prays that it helps instead of escalates.  
_  
 _However, so far, no one besides Infurrno seems to react to Nyango’s news._  
  
N: I said! Cupid has finally shot an arrow through my heart! The wondrous and excellent Shig—  
  
 ** _The red spotlight._**

N: NYANGO, HAHAHA! The incredible Nyango has fallen in love!  
  
 _Cheetah raises her hand to speak._  
  
Ch: Pardon if this is rude, Nyango, but…from what I hear that doesn’t seem to be exactly uncommon.  
  
Ri: Affirmative. Previous knowledge defines Alias: Nyango as synonymous with sleaze.  
  
Ms: Honest to a fault, Cheetah, Riicat! But I do adore faults. I have to agree, Nyango. Cupid generally _overjoys_ in haunting you. Why exactly is this time different? I’m certainly curious♪  
  
Vm: I’m curious too! It has to be different, right? I don’t think Nyango announces whenever…you know...  
  
Pk: Well color us all intrigued then, Nyango! Share a little more of your rose, hm?  
  
Nyango: In spite of your doubts, it’s the absolute truth, hahaha! I’ve fallen in love with a handsome young man who I’m lucky has given me the time day! We even have a date!  
  
 _Miasma oozes from Infurrno’s general direction as Nyango goes on, everyone too enraptured by Nyango’s words to notice. Purriestess is doing her best to cleanse what she can of his sour attitude from across the table.  
_  
Ms: Oh my…a young man! That is different♪ But gender aside, the question remains, what is _really_ different?  
  
Pk: That’s the most important question in love. Now Nyango, how is this hopefully gorgeous man different from all the other times cupid’s given you the love bug? Or…what’s different about you? You don’t have a stellar track record…  
  
 _Infurrno struggles to hold back a snort._  
  
In: Absolutely not.  
  
N: Ahahahuh?! You wound me, Infurrno! But I know this is different because I want something different from him. I want something good for us, I should say. Before even thinking about children and family, I…want him to be happy with me, haha. With himself.  
  
 _A chorus of “Awww” resounds from the table, except from Infurrno. If a heart normally beats, his heart crackled and burned, audibly enough for Purriestess to hear it after her own “awww”._  
  
Pk: Ohhhh purrr, Nyango! That’s so cute! When can we meet him?!  
  
N: Ah, when we’re officially together. But you all already know him, hahaha!  
  
Ms: My oh my, it’s someone that we could _potentially_ know?  
  
Ch: In love with someone we all know…?  
  
Ri: Scanning databases. Compiling hypotheses.  
  
Ps: OH well MAYBE there’s no need for that! At all!  
  
 _The table stares at Mariel._ ** _The red spotlight._**  
  
Ps: NOOOOO NONONONONO!!!!  
  
Ms: Might we know something, Purriestess♪  
  
Ps: We…uh! We um...I…..!!!  
  
In: We haven’t heard Nyango’s thorn.  
  
 _At this point, Infurrno recognizes that Purriestess has caught onto the situation, whether he likes it or not. He curses Rosetta’s seating arrangements and wishes he were sitting across from Riica._  
  
Ms: Interested in following the rules now, Infurrno? I’ll allow it…let’s hear your thorn, Nyango.  
  
N: One less fortunate experience…  
  
 _Shion closes his eyes under his red-eyed cat mask. He catches his breath, thinking that they’ll soon be passed this. But…  
_  
N: I haven’t had one this month that hasn’t been resolved, I’d say!  
  
 _Infurrno looks upwards at the artificial light of the room. The light touch of wind from the open window. It is a beautiful day outside. He is among the most ardent cat respecters he knows. Fun is in the room, wonder, love, and awe have just arrived. Shigure has filed Shion into “resolved.” The lighting flickers. He’d like to be focusing on the way Rosetta glances at him, or the nervousness radiating from Mariel and the way she shifts in her seat. He tries to focus on the rapt attention that Riica gives Shigure, hearing the way she registers data, the sparkle in Feinne and Shannon’s red eyes as they hear about what they believe is true love blossoming, or even the small smile Kikyo wears, obscured ever so slightly by her jacket. Shion instead thinks, “These are the culminations of my actions. They have come to fruition during Cat Lovers Anonymous likely because I deserve it.”_

 _“It’s detrimental to hide everything from Shigure,” he thinks absently. “That should wait another day. He is happy right now and deep down, I enjoy that. At least the very least, not a soul in the room besides Mariel knows who—”_  
  
N: I’m boundlessly excited for the future! If I had to choose a thorn, it would be the same one as Varuo.  
  
 _Shion’s head in that moment whips back towards Shigure faster the Hyperspeed Demon herself, who only tilts her head in confusion at the statement on the other side of the table_.  
  
Vm: Hm?  
  
N: I’ve noticed your brother’s been suffering a bit too. I hope to help a lot in the near future, hahaha! More than I have before, I should say.  
  
Vm: That’s good! I’m glad you’re gonna be around for him! But how are you going to—  
  
P&In: Uh—  
  
 ** _The red spotlight._** _This time however, it shines upon the Meowstress herself. It morphs her smile into something devilish._  
  
Ms: Oh now _this_ is wholly unexpected! Would you mind if I ask a probing question, Nyango♪ Let’s cruelly say instead of being certain this relationship will blossom into something beautiful, you have a simple infatuation. Now, hypothetically, who would it be…?  
  
N: Ah..haha…I suppose that makes sense, Meowstress. It would be—  
  
 _Infurrno abruptly gets out of his seat, alarming everyone in the room besides the Meowstress, whose mouth is coyly hidden behind her crimson book at this moment._  
  
In: I have a health issue, thus I have to excuse myself. I apologize, Meowstress.  
  
Ms: Oh no need, Infurrno. Do take your time! We’ll see you next month ♪  
  
N: Infurrno! I’ll help—  
  
P: NO!  
  
 _Everyone turns to the Purriestess._  
  
P: I’m a healer! So! I’ll be able to fix Infurrno right up!  
  
Ms: I see…Well, if it’s for his health, what can I really say? I’m not heartless. Don’t be late next month♪  
  
P: Of course, Meowstress! It was nice seeing everyone as usual!  
  
Ms: Hm…I’ve forgotten what I was saying. How unusual! Riicat! Would you mind going next?  
  
 _Purriestess and Infurrno shuffle out of the room, while Cat Lovers Anonymous continues in a much less hostile way. They even manage to proceed with today’s agenda of dressing up Thed in various new cat accessories, though Shigure worries about Shion’s sudden outburst._  
  


* * *

  
 _Shion walks swiftly, trying to leave Mariel behind despite her protests. Eventually she reminds him that he promised he would speak on the subject after. He stops as abruptly as he started and Mariel runs into him._  
  
Ma: Yowch! My bad, Shion. Wait, no! What’s wrong!? What WAS all that?  
  
Sn: It’s nothing.  
  
Ma: That’s not true! You looked like you were about to explode like “KABOOM!” not just like “bam.” like “ **KABOOM**!”  
  
 _Mariel’s gesticulation is erratic, animated, so much so that Shion visualizes the explosion. He can’t say it’s inaccurate.  
_  
Sn: I see that it took a toll on you. I apologize for the inconvenience.  
  
Ma: Don’t worry about me! You’re the one who looks like he got hurt…are you actually hurt? Do you need some healing?  
  
Sn: Nothing magical, Mariel. I’d really prefer not to speak on this. But I promised you. Did Mighty tell you anything?  
  
Ma: Not a word!  
  
 _Shion’s smile is brief upon hearing that information, but his frown returns immediately._  
  
Sn: I’m just worried about Shigure and Aldo, is all.  
  
Ma: Ah…ha. Yeah! That would make sense, but it just feels like….there’s something a little angrier? If I’m allowed to say that…?  
  
Sn: You are. You’re also incorrect.  
  
Ma: Ah…  
  
Sn: I apologize. That was unnecessarily emotional and rude.  
  
 _Mariel wants to comment on how Shion said that with a level voice, but she decides against it. If that was emotional for Shion, she believes there’s a lot more happening under the surface._  
  
Ma: Oh no, don’t worry about it! Um, have you talked to Shigure? Again? I know he said you both did, but maybe you might have not said everything.  
  
 _Shion stares at Mariel, blank as ever. She gets nervous before he pats her on the head._  
  
Sn: You and Mighty are very shrewd, at times. You both have very keen eyes for these…things.  
  
Ma: Emotions?  
  
Sn: Yes. Dealing in healing and dreams seems to make one more astute in feelings than dealing in blood does.  
  
 _He places his hand on his chest, feeling his arrhythmia. Intrinsic. The way his blood pumps. The way it relates to his resentment. The way his resentment is slowly building into something he’d rather not deal with, but he must._  
  
Sn: Do you think Aldo would grant me leave, Mariel?  
  
 _Parts of Mariel waver because she doesn’t know if Shion should take time off. In her heart, she’s certain he’s not doing what’s best for himself. At the same time, she wonders how well she actually knows Shion, if she can’t figure out why this is all causing him so much grief. Is it jealousy? She doesn’t think Shion would be jealous. He hasn’t told her and Shigure hasn’t told her, but she thinks should be able to mend the gap between her friends. Ultimately, she steps away because only they truly know what they need. She prays that it’s the best thing she can do._  
  
Ma: …Yeah. If you need it. He couldn’t say no…  
  
Sn: I see. Let’s—HNG!  
  
Ma: SHION!?

 _A cat strolls by them._  
  
Sn: Sardines?  
  
 _It scratches Shion’s hand. Mariel heals his hand instinctively._  
  
Sn: Tsk.  
  
Ma: One day you’ll feed one.  
  
Sn: Perhaps. Let’s go to that restaurant around here that you like. My treat.  
  
Ma: Oooh! They just changed their menu too! They have new parfaits!  
  
Sn: Lead the way then. Though, I have a request.  
  
Ma: Hm?  
  
Sn: Please linger behind when we finish up so that I may speak to Aldo.  
  
 _Mariel silently nods, agreeing to Shion’s request. Mariel chatters away, trying to distract from the somber feeling that they both feel. Shion pays for the meal and for Mariel to get a few more parfaits after he leaves._  
  
Sn: Mariel.  
  
Ma: Yeah?  
  
Sn: I’m very grateful for you. And Mighty. Do not worry. This will pass, as all things do. I’ll see you soon.  
  
 _Shion leaves Mariel without a smile at a booth next to the window, sunlight cascading onto the priestess. Spoon in her mouth reflecting the light, she watches Shion leave with a frown on her face. She arranges the glasses on the table, awaiting bad news but praying for wonderful revelations._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. narratively, I needed Shigure and Shion to be in the same place, which wouldn't happen normally because Shion is fleet-footed. aldo was going to do that since that's what he does, but I was playing and sorting grastas and I saw the cat lovers one and the rest is your subjugation <3
> 
> 2\. I wondered if the tone near the end was too heavy, but considering everyone is always available within seconds for Aldo, it felt apt for it to seem very grave and taxing for Shion to actually request a leave of absence. shion has left the group chat and everyone's in shambles
> 
> 3\. I also wanted this to feel like a smidge more than an "angst breakup fic". It's not solely about the fact that they're exes...it's about shion using any reason available to suffocate himself! these particular chapters of the fic focus on shion because I wanted to fill in the blanks on why he claims so much in canon that he doesn't care what Shigure does. Yet he entertains him anyway! Or why he claims he doesn't understand Shigure and never did/will despite having grown up together up. what made yung king Shion go from racing shigure to be grand master to doing his best to avoid the freak? Shion calls Aldo a dear friend to his face, but won't give that to Shigure!! it's more than just them being exes! It's [redacted]! let's hope it all comes together for you readers next chapter <3\. Dreadful if not
> 
> 4\. Modern Au C.L.A meets in a dance studio that Rosetta rents out for cheap because she's blackmailing the owner. She requests that everyone comes in sweats or leotards to fit the vibe, but she always arrives in her red pantsuit and little black cat mask and no one can say anything about it. Her playlist consists of operatic hymns, j*ni m*tchell, FKA tw*gs, and the song Kitty Kat and it's the most unsettling thing ever. Riica is the only one who enjoys the playlist, but everyone loves the club and keeps going anyway.
> 
> 4.25 Kikyo, in her gymnastic practice outfit: I'm having kind of a bad -- (♪What about my body, body? You don't want my body, body?♪)-- body...BAD* day! Rosetta smiling serenely writing in her Bullet Journal like: ♪Let's go, little kitty kat♪
> 
> 4.5 Message from Mariel, 4:02:03 PM : *Mariel has sent a picture* are you sure you don't want to join? :( You can wear sweats!!  
> Message from Mighty, 4:02:20 PM: i don't think i could handle sitting between Kikyo and Shigure in leotards and cat masks. i'm not built like that  
> Message from Mariel, 4:02:30 PM : We could rebuild you like that :D!!!  
> Message from Rosetta, 4:02:31 PM: No texting Mighty&Mariel♪ You sniveling little heathens♥*Rosetta has sent a picture of Mighty in his current location*  
> Message from Mighty, 4:03:01 PM: ????????????????????????????
> 
> 5\. Shigure: I'm dating your brother
> 
> Feinne: Doing WHAT to my WHO?


	3. memories of amber, heart of stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shion attempts to take a short leave of absence to get his feelings under control. Shigure interrupts that plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This one is a little less...fun? maybe it's still fun. it's less of the wacky antics that have gone on so far, but if you've read the rest of time traveling blues you're ready for anything and content starved. it's the same sporadic pacing. that's okay <3  
> Anyway, no trigger warnings or other general content warnings. My only warning is that you might (small might. 10%) feel this if you're gay and bitter and have more than a fair share of resentment for both your circumstance and someone you know like Shion does. But if you do feel it, it'll only be a smidge. that is my main hope for this one, but also it's just a fic and the fun of fanfiction for me is trying to piece together the scraps of canon with what makes most sense to me. if you feel it, fantastic. if you don't, fantastic. shout out to the gay pissed off bitch community. editing later...x

_Shion bows before the time traveller, who has just returned from Konium. Aldo looks down at Shion, confused as ever. The buildup to this is lost on Aldo._  
  
A: Shion? What’s wrong?

S: I’ll be unavailable for a short time, Aldo. I apologize for going back on my word, but do not call on me for the time being.  
  
A: Oh, did something come up? It can’t be anything we can’t deal with together, right?

_Aldo smiles brightly at Shion, and he makes the fatal mistake of looking into Aldo’s eyes. Love, trust. Aldo’s face quickly morphs into one of worry._

S: Aldo? Why are you…  
  
 _Shion blinks and his vision blurs. This is an exceedingly simple task, one that he can deal with efficiently. He doesn't understand the current difficulty he faces._  
  
A: Okay, you’re definitely not doing whatever this is alone.  
  
Sn: I’m not doing anything dangerous. I am just taking my leave, briefly.  
  
A: Shion, come on! This is the first time I’ve ever seen you cr—  
  
Sn: Aldo. I will not yield on my plea. Do not call on me for the time being.   
  
_Shion turns away, exiting the Riftbreaker. Aldo grabs his hand, even though he knows the taciturn samurai won’t budge on this. Shion refuses to look back._  
  
Sn: Thank you for you concern.

A: At least tell me what’s wrong. Please?  
  
Sn: If I had an explanation, I would deliver it without hesitation.  
  
A: Shion!

Sn: If you consider yourself my friend, Aldo. Let me go.  
  
 _Shion squeezes Aldo’s hand, uncertain if it is a comfort to himself or Aldo. He gently pulls away, ignoring Aldo’s pleas for information. Shion makes the trek off the Riftbreaker in the same way he delivered the news. Abrupt and quick. Familiar faces greet him warmly, but he passes by without reply. He travels to Rinde, taking the ship to the east. He's forgotten the sensation of sailing on the sea, so he attributes his current nausea to the churn of the waves against wood._

* * *

  
  
_Guilt burrows into the pit of Shion's stomach for weaponizing words like that against Aldo. He knows the effect it'll have, but he had to leave. Two weeks crunch by. Mariel’s uneasy, Aldo’s haggard, and even Mighty is sleepless. Shion’s spent most of it sitting near the tea house on Vermillion Road. Daily, precisely one hour to stroll to the tea house from the dojo, he orders the Yomogi Dango. Two hours, he sits, eating a dango once every 5 minutes. He runs out of dango before the first hour elapses. In silence, he watches the leaves drift and fall. His eyes are glazed over, light hardly reflecting in them. He doesn’t wear his combat uniform, white headband lazily slung around his neck as some sort of makeshift scarf. His hair is messy, his arms refuse to go through his coat arms. Shigure’s father and grandfather don’t ask questions, but concern is saturating the air, suffocating the atmosphere._

_More than practicing routine, he clings to it. An orderly person decays into a creature of habit, one that abandons speech, embraces repetitive actions. He believes everything is changing except him, so he returns to his memories. He returns to this routine because it's one that can’t be dismantled, frozen in the past. For one who tampers with time, he knows this is untouchable and invincible if he keeps it shackled within. Shion intends to wait here until everything he’s feeling in the present subsides, hopeful that it won’t be very long until his anger fades back into bitterness, until his resentment stops verging on hatred. His emotions will once again be under control, at which point he'll apologize to Aldo for his abrupt departure and the callous words he said to incite malaise. Near this time in his daily lament, he would return to the dojo and practice his technique aimlessly. He didn’t expect his request for leave would be so blatantly disregarded, routine crumbling the moment Shigure takes a seat next to him._  
  
  
Sg: You still enjoy the Yomogi ones? Same as ever, Shion, hahaha!  
  
 _Shion closes his eyes, focuses on his breathing._  
  
Sn: I told Aldo not to send for me.  
  
Sg: He knows.

Sn: …You are here because he’s taking it personally, regardless.  
  
 _Shion knew he would, but he doesn't enjoy hearing it._  
  
Sg: Hahaha! Precisely! Quick on the uptake as always. That’s why you study under grandfather.  
  
Sn: Then return and relay that I’m fine. And that I will be fine, indefinitely.  
  
 _Shigure looks at Shion, annoyance plain on both of their faces._  
  
Sg: How long is indefinitely, Shion?  
  
Sn: Obviously, I couldn’t tell you. It wouldn’t be indefinite if I could.  
  
Sg: I don’t know what I’ll tell Aldo then! Words escape me these days, really! “Oh, one day, our beloved Shion will return! When, you ask? Aldo, I’m not quite sure!” Hahaha!  
  
Sn: Tell him, “Shion will return when he’s finished training.” That should alleviate any anxiety he has.  
  
Sg: This is training?  
  
Sn: No. But I know you’re an expert at lying, so spin the tale as you will.  
  
Sg: What?! What’s that supposed to mean?  
  
Sn: I…  
  
 _Shion steadies his breath and regulates his emotions._  
  
Sn: I am not here to argue, Shigure. Aldo didn’t send you. You’ve come to find me for your own reasons unbeknownst to me, so at least return and help Aldo in this way.  
  
Sg: Are you serious? Why else would I come here, Shion!?  
  
Sn: I don’t know. I never understand how you feel.  
  
 _Shion finally opens his eyes and Shigure sees the muted expression on Shion’s face. It’s a dismissal and the end of the conversation. Shion rids himself of this conversation as they speak._  
  
Sg: Agh! You’re so…!

Sn: What am I, Shigure? What pressing insult could you need to call me while the person all of us adore is suffering?  
  
Sg: He’s suffering because you didn’t tell him what was wrong, you pigheaded fool!  
  
Sn: That won't change. I’ve taken this leave so that I can return without incident. Leave me.  
  
Sg: No! I’ll stay right next to you until you speak to me!  
  
Sn: You’re a child!  
  
Sg: So are you, hahaha!  
  
 _Shion gets up from his seat and begins walking away. Shigure shouts after him,_

Sg: You’re miserable, Shion!  
  
 _Shion stops and looks back at Shigure. "Miserable". Like adding in a missing reagent necessary for combustion, something close to hatred boils within Shion. He pushes it down._  
  
Sg: Tell me why, or I can’t help you!

Sn: You don’t care. You can’t help me.  
  
 _Shion measure his words. He wants to stop this conversation._  
  
Sn: You’ll never be able to “help” me. You never could. And I don’t care what you do, either. Just leave.  
  
 _Shion turns before he can see the anger flaring in Shigure’s eyes or the fists clenched at his side._  
  
Sg: You do care! And I care too! You know that!  
  
 _Shigure runs ahead of Shion, blocking his path. It perturbs Shion more than he wants to admit. He grips his katana._  
  
Sg: I won’t leave your side.  
  
Sn: So you’ll ignore what I say, as always.  
  
Sg: Hahaha! In this case, absolutely!  
  
 _The stare down is silent, but neither warrior backs down._  
  
Sn: If you intend to follow me, then be certain your blade is sharpened before you do so.  
  
Sg: You know my conditions! If I win, you’ll have to come back with me!  
  
 _Shion brushes past Shigure, expecting to be followed._  
  
Sn: Very well. I don’t intend to lose this time.  
  
Sg: We never do, my friend!

  
 _The walk is short, heavy. The stakes of this particular duel are high as underlying emotions prepare to erupt. Shion is doing his best to avoid that eruption. Sparring against Shigure is routine. Arguing with him is expected. But all of this is compacted, the circumstance recontextualizes what should be a usual confrontation. The amber leaves fall on the clearing, foliage flattening beneath their feet. There’s silence in the clearing. In the absence of people and monsters, Shion finds brief solace. But Shigure is there, and the purple haired samurai wonders why he always torments him, and if he always will._  
  
Sg: Are you ready to come back?  
  
 _Shion draws his sword and sheds his coat, his stance slightly different outside of his usual armor. Shigure draws his sword, and the sound of steel rings harshly through the clearing, the birds escaping from their roost to avoid the conflict. Every clash of their blades produces steam, the grass below them distorted in color. Shigure is fiercely on the offensive, unwilling to lose, but Shion is immovable. More than dwelling on winning and losing, Shion concentrates on everything he wishes to avoid: this battle, Aldo’s anxiety, Mariel’s pity, Mighty’s easy patience, Akane’s high octane worry. Whatever it is that Shigure feels._

 _He sees the anger in Shigure’s eyes and he wonders if his own emotions are so obvious. It’s an intriguing thought. If they were, would Shigure leave him be, finally? Would he let their relationship go back to the distant on and off probing, instead of this constant prying? Shigure must hate him, to linger around like this. It's a dreadful thought. He parries Shigure and slashes upward, flames lingering in the wake of his strike._  
  
Sg: Tsk!  
  
Sn: I won’t lose!  
  
 _Sans finesse or ceremony, Shigure is disarmed with unnatural force. Instantly, the heir to the Itto-Ryu dojo is on the ground. The Shoryu Steel wedges into the ground besides Shigure’s cheek. He looks down on Shigure, his mind swirling around the thought of Shigure hating him, adrenaline running laps through his veins. His eyes are wet, much to Shigure's shock._  
  
Sg: S-shion?? Are you—

Sn: Just admit you hate me.  
  
 _The statement renders Shigure speechless._  
  
Sn: I’ve won. If you have to do one thing I ask, do this. Honor this duel and just say it. Simplify all of this for me. Make me understand.

 _Shigure’s eyes are full of anguish. Shion can’t stand it. He hates it. But he can’t bring himself to hate the man he’s just defeated. Not until he says it first._  
  
Sn: Don’t turn that gaze upon me. Speak.  
  
Sg: Why do you think that? _How_ could you think that!?  
  
Sn: Because you lied. You still view me as some burden. A mistake. Aldo’s what your heart “truly” wants. You aren’t ashamed of him.  
  
Sg: Shion—  
  
Sn: I’m “resolved”. But still, you waste my time. You’ve exacerbated my service with Lord Genshin. You track me like a scavenger waiting to strike, appearing when I’m at my weakest. What reason could there possibly be for all of this? You must hate me.  
  
 _Shigure sits up, Shion gripping his sword above him, and hugs the usually reserved young man. More accurately, Shigure pulls Shion close as currently possible, as if he’s clinging to one last touch before free falling to his death. Unreserved desperation. Shion grips the Shoryu Steel hard enough to draw blood._  
  
Sg: I don’t hate you. I never will.  
  
Sn: I’ve heard enough. If you won’t admit it, unhand me.  
  
Sg: I love you! How many times do you want me to chant it!? Give me a number and I’ll reach it!  
  
Sn: Enough!  
  
Sg: I can’t grant your request, Shion. I won't let you go and I don't hate you.

_Shigure reaches for Shion’s hands, slowly unhooking his grip from the katana. They fall limp at Shion’s side, and Shigure returns to holding him. Shion won the duel, but he feels the brunt of the defeat. He can't bear it._

Sg: I love you, Shion. Even though you’re always mad at me, you never tell me anything, and I think you’re by far the most frustrating person ever, haha! I love you! That’s why I don’t leave you alone. You shouldn’t be alone!  
  
Sn: Stop.

Sg: I left you all alone before, and Genshin dug his claws into you while I was out galavanting and…

 _Shigure’s eyes shine, as he gazes at the sunset . He pets Shion’s hair, something he hasn’t done in years. Shion resists flinching, though he’s unsure why he resists flinching._  
  
Sg: I’m powerless to do anything about that, for the moment. Shion, I adore Aldo. But I don't compare him to you! I have never believed you were a mistake!   
  
Sn: You’re a guilty liar.

Sg: I’m an awful, terrible liar, a vagrant, a louse. A promiscuous, immoral devil. But I swear on my life, chop my tongue off, that I mean all of this. My life is yours until I pay it back to you and—  
  
Sn: stop…  
  
Sg: and even after that, if I live, you will always have it.  
  
 _Shigure holds Shion on his lap. Shion’s slightly taller than Shigure so he doesn’t quite fit, but he doesn’t budge. Shigure's reminded of an old memory, so he revisits the past._

Sg: Do you remember when we were kids? Hahaha! Maybe this isn’t the best time, but Akane got stuck in a tree so you climbed up, swift as a monkey, because you had to “take care of your little sister”? But you fell—  
  
 _Shion sniffles, choking out a muffled “shut up” into Shigure’s blue haori. His hands grip the fabric, no longer lying limp at his sides._  
  
Sg: I’m afraid I can’t hear you, Shion. I do remember that you fell, haha! I can still hear the thump—  
  
 _Shigure’s sound effect aligns with Shion’s punch to his chest. Shigure tightens his hold on Shion, clumsy as it may be._  
  
Sg: haha, ouch! Exactly like that! We had to get father and grandfather…you didn’t make a sound the whole walk home, but I heard the quietest sniffling that night. And I thought you were hiding a little cat…but you held your tears all day. I slept next to you that night, to make the pain go away. Hahaha! But being the dog I am, it was because I thought you were cute too! You remember, right? I held you, just like this.  
  
 _Shigure's gentle hand continues caressing Shion. It's familiar, but it's so dangerously new. Shion thought his previous outburst was the end, but he realizes that the worst has yet to come. He begs Shigure to stop before he passes a point of no return._  
  
Sn: Leave that behind. Forget about it. Please.  
  
Sg: I don’t want to. And I know you don’t either. You don’t have to, Shion. You don’t have to discard it.  
  
 _Shigure's smile is soft and angelic, full of care. Shion wants to defy Shigure with all his might. What good are feelings like this? Painful memories of growing up in the wake of grief and loss. But the sobs come out. The tears fall. His words spill out of the dam in the same wave._  
  
Sn: Fine. Do you remember the... years after you started kissing me. And… and pretended it was practice…  
  
Sg: …? What do you—  
  
Sn: At the tea house.  
  
Sg: Oh. Oh no. Ha..haha…  
  
 _Shigure has been fighting his own tears since this started. But this particular memory brings its own deluge._

* * *

  
  
_When the two students were once training, or more aptly because their work is endless, when the two students were once in love. 15 or 16, Shigure can’t remember. Perhaps it’s been half a decade since then, maybe a little more, though he still references it to the day. The autumn leaves fall on the vermillion road, stuck in the season and stuck in time. The color of amber, in winter, summer, spring, as if they’re encased in amber themselves, immune to the ravages of the clock. The tea house stands where it always has, on a particularly slow day. Pinkies brush, shoulders bump, and after a glance around, hands interlock under the shelter of falling leaves. With bandages on their faces and none on their hearts, the two enjoy a break with their dango. While Shion focuses on his dango, the purple of his hair lighter than it is in the present, Shigure focuses on the way Shion’s hand feels. Rough, calloused. Warm. He looks up at the boy next to him, and he smiles without recognizing that he does it, the natural tug on his lips._

_Shion feels the way Shigure squeezes his hand, notices in the corner of his eye the absent smile. He doesn’t have the words for how it makes him feel. So he does his best to articulate something, “Your dango’s gonna be gross, Shigure. You have to eat it fresh. That’s what master says.” Shigure’s laugh pierces the veil of silence._

_He scoots closer to Shion and declares with an impish smile, “Hahaha, I don’t really like dango, Shion!”_

_“Then why did you want to come!?”  
_

_“_ _Cuz I know you like the Yomogi ones, and I was thinkin’, ‘Shion’s so cute when he eats those’ !” Shigure rebukes, as heat rises in Shion’s cheeks. The quiet boy never lets go of the young successor's hand. Shigure glances around again, confusing Shion, before stealing a kiss. He receives a very light smack from Shion in response._

 _“_ _Don’t do that without asking, stupid! Despicable!”  
_

_“Hahaha! I won’t do it again, promise. But I think the bitter ones don’t taste so bad now.”  
_

_“You’re awful, Shigure!” He admonishes Shigure like he always does and continues to do, but he smiles regardless. Shigure, purely in love, not fully thinking about the future, whispers to Shion,“Hey, let’s get married one day, Shion. I’ll make you lots of dango, and it’ll be bitter just how you like it. I’ll even make some Anko ones for Akane. We’ll have a big happy family, and there’ll be more students at the dojo, so we’ll have even bigger feasts!”_

_Shion’s heart is close to bursting in this forest of stasis. It's a simple statement. It's a declaration of adoration. He releases Shigure’s hand, eyes trained on the ground. He states, trying to remove any emotion from his voice, as he’ll do for many years after this moment, “You don’t mean that.”  
  
“I promise. Cross my heart.”  
  
“…You’re a liar, Shigure.”  
  
“Ahahaha! I’m not! I swear!! When we’re older and we don’t have anything to worry about, I’ll be your family and make sure you aren’t alone! I’ll make you happy! And I’ll get you a beautiful ring!”  
  
“That’s what love is.” Shion thinks, but he believes they’re too young. He savors it anyway. What he actually manages to say is, “That sounds nice. If you’re telling the truth.” Shigure laughs, kisses his hand. It’s the clearest promise Shion has ever heard or felt, and all he wants is his family back and Shigure is promising to give him that. Because the dojo is home, but sometimes he remembers the home he lost. Memories of not practicing swordplay, or training endlessly. He remembers resting, and he wishes he could do nothing but.  
_  
 _The two samurai relive the same memory in silence. Shion’s face is ice, teardrops sharp and solid. Shigure has lived in fear of being forced to confront that face without exits, filled with more than sadness, imbued with rage, but he follows the trajectory with Shion because that’s all he can do for him right now. Shion grows angrier remembering all of it._  
  
Sn: You remember.  
  
Sg: …Of course I do. _  
  
The years pass. Shigure’s less sweet. Hearts no longer honey-colored. They’re not so close anymore. Shigure dodges Shion’s hand now that he has to initiate contact. Shion cries, and Shigure holds him but it’s distant, a terribly cold embrace. He’s hardly ever at the dojo, they hardly see each other and Shion finds himself under Genshin’s perpetual service. He loathes the missions and can’t bear to kill anyone, which luckily remains true to the day. But he hears about Shigure. He hears about the slander against Genshin and the rumors that have spread. The promiscuous heir of the Itto-Ryu Dojo. Shion begins believing that everything that occurred must be left behind, or explained away as a folly of youth. It's easier to believe before he sees Shigure asking a young woman to marry him, bear his children. Shigure sees him, and refuses to acknowledge him.  
  
“You’d do well to keep working for scum like me, Shion! Who knows what could happen to that little family of yours!”  
  
“…As you wish, Lord Genshin.”  
  
“Fantastic! You really do have the makings of Scumbag of the century, Shion!”  
  
Shion exhales, his sight trained on Shigure. He tries to leave it behind. Genshin sends him to the west to assassinate King Miglance. He tries several times, but he can’t. Soon after, he meets Aldo and is given hope about his situation before Shigure tracks him down, revealing that he knows about the Miglance assassination plot, and declares that he intends to kill Genshin to free Shion. Shion laments on that for many nights. He curses the idea and detests that Shigure put it into his head. Shigure is ready to give his life to assassinate Genshin, but he doesn't understand the gravity of the issue. It's a foolish thing to do. It's dangerous for everyone. The easiest, most honorable way out is Shion's own death, but even that comes with its own misgivings. What of Aldo or Akane? He's grown too attached. He resents Shigure for the plot and the inner turmoil it brings, refusing to acknowledge why Shigure would suggest it._

_He insults Aldo, and he comes to torture Shion with his continued presence. An active annoyance. Suddenly, he’s trailing Shion all the time, over affectionate, as if nothing ever happened. And Aldo suggests Shion might be happy to have Shigure around again, and maybe he is a little. And then Aldo is what Shigure’s heart truly wants. And it makes sense because Aldo is the source of Shion’s hope. Of course Shigure would harbor affection for Aldo because Aldo has a way of taking away any shame his friends feel._

_Shigure’s changed, and Shion sees it in the way he follows him around, apologies and pleasantries always in tow. He doesn’t want to understand it. He prefers to consider all of it a lie, because if everyone around him grows, Shion should too. Instead, Shion feels as if he’s imprisoned in amber, still believing that one day, he’ll finally be strong enough to protect everyone he loves, to have that idyllic life of peace he was promised and that he promised to Akane. Yet Akane’s grown stronger than him, Shigure’s sweeter, better than he used to be, and what is he? Genshin’s defective chained mutt, working indefinitely to make sure what remains of his family survives. He’s worn down and cautious like he always is, and fears that he will always be. It's a gruesome feat of endurance and avoidance, but it's all Shion knows how to do. And then Shigure gives a fake apology tied to a slip of the tongue, and it’s all too much. He can’t leave it behind._   
  
  
_Shion stops drowning himself in memories. It makes him sick. Shigure won’t admit that he hates him, thus he finally erupts._

* * *

  
Sn: I hate you. I _**hate**_ you! I can’t stand you, Shigure!  
  
 _Shigure weeps because he'd prefer to fall to Shion's blade rather than his hatred._

Sn: You’re awful! I mean it! You treated me like I was worthless! You don’t deserve a second of Aldo's time after you disrespected him! You don't deserve anyone's time!  
  
 _It’s the loudest Shigure’s ever heard him. It’s likely the loudest anyone will ever hear him._  
  
Sn: You said you wouldn’t leave me! You promised, you dog! You left me alone and you wouldn’t even fucking look at me! Like I was an eyesore you couldn’t bare to see! And you involved Akane in this wretched affair with Lord Genshin! And what, NOW I’m suddenly important to you?!  
  
Sg: Shion—  
  
Sn: **SHUT UP**! You won’t stop annoying me like you always do! I hate you! What do you want from me!?  
  
Sn: I have nothing for you! My parents are dead! My sister’s leaving me behind! I’m finished training with _your_ father and grandfather and now what!? I’m still weak! I’m stuck! Yet you still persist! You already took my heart and body, but you hover over me like the reaper! Just!  
  
 _Shigure gleans from these statements that Shion’s problems are bigger than him, than them, and always have been. Shion heaves, shakes. He’s said all he can. His bones rattle as he catches his breath. He buries his bloody palms under his eyebrows as he wipes tears from his eyes, though they flow freely. He removes himself from Shigure and dislodges his sword to sheathe it._

Sn: Just leave me alone. Why won’t you leave me alone?  
  
 _Shion asks, but he doesn’t want to hear an answer. He looks pathetic, headband fallen, blood dripping from his fingers. An empty husk without the emotions that he hoards. Whether or not the resentment he holds is a poison or a clot to keep the young man from bleeding out, Shigure prepares himself for the worst._  
  
Sg: Then say the word right now and you’ll never see me again. You’ll never hear even an afterthought about me, father and grandfather won’t utter a sentence, Akane’ll be silent for the very first time. You’ll be the only successor to the school as far you’re concerned. I'll disappear, but you _have_ to mean it.  
  
 _With tears streaking both of their faces, Shigure cups Shion’s face and forces them to lock eyes. It’s painful, and neither of them want to make eye contact._  
  
Sn: ...you're lying.  
  
Sg: I'm not, Shion. If your wish is my disappearance, say it right now and I'll honor it.  
  
Sn: I’m sick. of feeling like this. Shigure…  
  
 _Shigure’s muscle tense and he prepares for the worst. He makes a plan, thinking about the best ways to avoid Shion. He prepares to say his goodbyes. Thinks about moving to another time period. Shion smacks Shigure’s hand away from his face, and he finally returns Shigure’s embrace. Shion attempts to speak, but it’s muffled between unintelligible bawling. Shigure breathes a sigh of relief, laying down, still holding Shion. He can hardly speak himself._  
  
  
Sn: I wish I hated you. I wish I hated you _so_ much. But I…  
  
 _Shigure doesn't make Shion finish the sentence. They both know what he wants to say._  
  
Sg: …Maybe that _would_ be easier. And this is selfish, but even if it is easier for you, I don’t want to lose you. Shion, I’m…No. I guess you already said you don't want an apology, huh?  
  
Sn: …  
  
Sg: I do love you. That’s true. It always has been. And I… I broke a pretty big promise. I didn’t think before speaking then and I still don’t do it now. I’m a coward. I could run through the list again, but you’ve heard me say it.  
  
Sn: Get to the point of this. Nothing’s going to change.  
  
Sg: That is the point, hahaha. I want to be better. I’m trying to be better, Shion. You have to see that, at least.  
  
Sn: And if I do?  
  
Sg: If you do, know that I’m doing it so I don’t hurt you. Or so that I hurt you less at the very least.  
  
Sn: Okay. Then what about me?  
  
Sg: We’re having this conversation, aren’t we? If both of us hadn’t grown a bit, we wouldn’t have fought. You wouldn’t have screamed at me and… made me cry, HAHAHA!  
  
 _Shigure dries his eyes, but he doesn't let go of Shion as he does._

Sn: Maybe.  
  
Sg: It’s true!  
  
Sn: I can’t believe that.  
  
Sg: I couldn’t either. I can’t help you out of your Genshin situation. I’m still making you cry. But…everyone believed I was different. You did. So I thought, that has to be worth something, right? Haha. We all believe you’re moving forward too, Shion. And now that I know how much you kept locked inside, I’ll do whatever I can to be here with you. If you’ll let me.  
  
 _Shion meant to say this to Shigure at some point. His feelings, in a less hostile setting. But the nature of time is that it's elusive and crushing simultaneously. There was always time and there never was time and now he lies atop the man who's been with him for the majority of his life. The same one who abandoned him and returned to him like a fickle tempest. He lies with puffy eyes and bloody palms. It's comfortable, but the sensation is different. It's changed. He's changed. So he communicates something, anything, for Shigure._  
  
Sn: I’m sorry. That I don’t know…how to share what I think to you. That I couldn’t say all of this before. For hurting you, sometimes. It is difficult. Knowing me is very difficult, I imagine.  
  
Sg: It’s incredibly difficult sometimes! A lot! But I wouldn’t prefer you be anyone but Shion! I'm sorry you had to grow up with me, father, and grandfather as your family, hahaha! And that they never gave us a day of rest and then I never gave you a day of rest! Everything salvageable about me that anyone loves I owe to you, Shion. Every ounce of happiness I have should belong to you.  
  
Sn: Don't say that. Your joy is earned. It's yours to keep. Perhaps. A little. Maybe. I'm not sure.  
  
Sg: Ahahaha, not too much?  
  
Sn: It's neither an easy nor quick process. This...catharsis... You should apologize to Aldo for what you said, since you didn't honor our duel's outcome.  
  
Sg: Huh? You did say I insulted Aldo, but I didn't think you had something specific in mind...what exactly did I say?  
  
Sn: "Limp-wristed--"  
  
Sg: Aaaaahahahaha absolutely! I should! I will!  
  
  
 _Shion and Shigure take a moment’s breath. The breeze cools the field down, moon beginning to rise, the cicadas chirping to acknowledge its arrival. Shigure closes his eyes before asking one last question._  
  
  
Sg: Hey. Answer me honestly and don’t hate me please.  
  
Sn: Okay.  
  
Sg: Do you still want that ring?  
  
Sn: You are un—  
  
Sg: Yes or no?  
  
Sn: …Yes.  
  
Sg: I’ll get it for you then. That’s the least I can do. I… it won’t come with the same feelings.  
  
 _And Shion meditates on this, lying in the dirt with Shigure. The same feelings._

Sn: I think it will.

 _And Shion looks at Shigure, instead of avoiding him. And Shigure does the same. And they consider the moment that’s been locked in amber for years, and they break it to remember Shigure telling Shion, “I’ll make you happy.” And with it, Shion's shackles shatter._  
  
Sg: I’m glad. I’ll try to keep making you feel like that, then.  
  
Sn: …I’ll attempt as well. I love you too, Shigure. Even if you’re a no-good deadbeat.  
  
Sg: Thank you, you stubborn idiot.  
  
 _It is the first time Shigure has seen Shion smile without reservation at him since they were younger. He doesn't want to lose it again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. My main question for this one, and for the last few ones, was how much can I do to keep Shion in character for this? The reality that people cry often doesn't actually come up that much for the men of Another Eden. (yada yada yada vile gender, vile capitalism yada blah blah vile gacha games blah blah Thesis) I wondered if applying it to Shion would make sense in this circumstance while still keeping him in character. He rarely so much as raises his voice at anyone other than Shigure, and he only really does that when they duel or when Akane's brought up I believe. Obviously, i was like ya why not. This was mainly because even in the canon he's already repressing and regulating the majority of his emotions, clearly miserable as he does his best to defy Genshin and avoid killing King Miglance. If Shigure constantly bothered him, showed signs of improving himself while loving the person who gives Shion hope through all this, Shion'd start losing his temper pretty quick i think! it's because he never cries that he WOULD cry. but that's my interpretation of him. GrittedTeethClenchedJaw!Shion
> 
> 2\. Re: the last point, in that same breath, it made sense to me for his service to Genshin to be begrudging, with his family's (which yes, despite what he thinks, includes Shigure and his family) lives in danger if he refused. I think it bridges the child flashback scenes [Shion refusing to grieve to help Akane. Getting along with Shigure for years at the very least] to the blank in AE history where Shion and Shigure's relationship soured. The double impact of Shigure promising Shion happiness, a family and then hitting on any other woman that he came across while Shion has to work for Genshin to keep Shigure safe tunes the dial just right for the canon paraphrased "I don't particularly care what Shigure does or how he's doing. I never have." which aldo quickly rebuked. and then shigure's like well i'll kill genshin teehee :) and shion's like 1 hour by foot, to the vermillion road. 2, I sit, under the bristle of the leaves. I breathe outwards once..........every 10 seconds.
> 
> 3\. I wanted it to speak to the character and this particular raw mire of resentment! if it does for you, that's enough for me. if it doesn't, that's also fine. thank you for reading my silly cringe Guildna/Shigure/Aldo universe. their letters spell out GSA which is so funny. can't stand them
> 
> 4\. i think it's cruel to insert a modern au after this one but ........after Shigure begins Going Ghost! shion sits with S*lange's True for manyyy many many days. his purple hair next to his (Akane's) salt rock lamp his voice muffled by his pillow singing (off-key) "tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for gooooood............we used to kiss all night but now that's just no use..................*sniffle* I'm not the one that you should be making ...YourEnemyyyy" LMFAO
> 
> 4.25 Tweet from Disciple of ITTO RYU FUGEN @Shion 2:03 AM : If Nobody Got Me, I Know [S*lange's 2012 Album True] Got Me  
> Tweet from Guildna Fon Gardeel (assuming that's his last name via Alt Miglance quest) @BeastKing 8:35 AM: @Shion Are you alright?  
> Tweet from Disciple of ITTO RYU FUGEN @Shion 6:00 PM : @BeastKing *Link to Bad Grls - Verdine Version*


End file.
